Laila St. Matthew Daniel
By Laila St Matthew Daniel
Patriarchy in society and men’s attitude towards women is a far reaching problem and this attitude goes a long way in shaping public thinking about women.
There is a misconceived entitlement that men have, that they are above the law where women issues are concerned. This structure of patriarchy and the way they are socialized has given most men the sense that they have the right to harm, rape, abuse, and, in some instances, to an extent of killing women.
When boys are born they are celebrated and the power and sense of entitlement starts there. Women were also taught from an early age to bow down to men. This faulty thinking has caused women, and men, a lot of pain and hurt down the ages and still goes on….unless MEN who understand, take a stand and instruct other men that a woman is a ‘helpmate’, the pillar that holds him up, not a “THING TO BE USED AND ABUSED”!
Everywhere one turns there are reports of some form of violence, all forms of abuse, rapes against women and the girl-child, even as young as 3 months old.
-A young National Youth Service Corps member was raped to death during her youth service programme in Nigeria.
– A 6 year old was raped to death, many others abused.
– A young lady sent to University to study was gang-raped by a group of boys who have not been brought to justice.
– A father decides that his daughters should become his sex object.
– A man accuses a woman of infidelity and passes a death sentence upon her.
– Young girls are married off for sexual exploits whilst their counterparts are considered ‘boys’.
– A lady rejects a man and he decides to disfigure her with acid.
– A lady rejects the advances of a man and he decides to ‘teach’ her and arranges for her to be gang rape.
The list goes on. Yet, some men turn round and say that the women “deserve” all of the above and even justify the wrongs with such baseless claims as victims not knowing their place or that such fate befell the women due to the provocative way they dress. Then one asks, how about “little babies as well? Do they deserve to be raped and abused?” How about young school girls in shapeless mid-length uniforms? What is sexy about their attires?
In all of this the key perpetuators are MEN and their attitudes shape public thinking towards women. Men rarely accept that they may have problems or that their thinking might be warped because, as I said earlier, they have been programmed from birth by their parents.
That readily brings up the recent issues involving FEMI FANI-KAYODE!!!
Why would a man decide to go public and mention names of respectable women that he had “supposedly” had affairs/relationships or whatever, with? What manner of man is that? Such despicable behaviour has nothing to do with the state or area the women came from – it is a direct attack against WOMEN!!! PERIOD!!!!
From all indications I wonder if FFK has come about the idiom “gentlemen don’t kiss and tell”. The disrespectful manner he casually mentioned his association with the three or four women, who are respected in society within their own rights calls to question the kind of person he is. It is men like this who allow women to be demeaned. But then, is FFK a GENTLEMAN?
While it could be normal for men and women to meet and date if they so wish, it is in very bad taste for anyone of them to then go on, and talk about it, not to talk about exposing such a liaison years later and IN PUBLIC!!! Is this supposed to make him look like an ALPHA MALE?
Some men have made comments that anyone who went out with FFK is a useless prostitute. Really? Do you know what goes on between a man and woman? Very few men meet their present wives/partners as virgins and very few women meet their present husband/partner as virgins. So why do some men find it so easy to demean and call women names, ready to malign and debase them as FFK’s action has shown?
Psychologists state that men who speak down at women, call them names or behave as if they are “things” – feel a vulnerability or have a fear of women that can be traced to their childhood.
FFK ought to give a public apology about making public, his liaison with these women. REAL MEN do not stoop so low as to discuss their relationships.
The REAL MAN knows how to treat a woman. REAL MEN don’t resolve conflicts with fists. REAL MEN do not rape women. REAL MEN do not abuse little children and above all, REAL MEN DON’T TALK ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS …NO MATTER WHAT!!!!
REAL MEN are confident in themselves, have been raised by Queens to behave and treat women as Queens also. REAL MEN know how to get their women to show them love and care and it is not by demanding rights or whatever, but by loving and caring for them absolutely. Yes, occasionally there might be relationships that go bad but not all men and women are bad. Habits and values formed early cause a lot of dysfunctional relationships but nonetheless, no reason to debase any woman.
REAL MEN should bring up their son’s to be Men and not caricatures of men. REAL MEN should applaud women NOT debase or humiliate them, especially in public!!
*Laila St Matthew Daniel is a Transformation Strategist, Life Coach and Neuro Linguistic Program Practitioner. She is a “visioner” and defender of women and the girl-child and deal with attitude and behaviour that limits success, productivity and peak performance in the corporate world and personal life.
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